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This is Elvis Evans. I am a former student of yours from way back in the days of 1977-78.
I do not think I ever had an opportunity to thank you. You were instrumental in the successes I have enjoyed in my life. In 1977, I was a lost kid looking for someone to understand me. I wore a hearing aide, which was an anomaly back then. I was also epileptic and wore orthopedic shoes, which back then only came in one style; wing tip.
After any disaster, (school violence, hurricane, floods, fire, earthquakes, acts of terrorism, physical or sexual violence, and so on) children are afraid that the event will happen again, that they or someone they love will be hurt or killed, that they may be separated from those they love and be left alone. Following are ways that you can help children cope with trauma. Most of these suggestions come from the children’s book Jenny is Scared: When Sad Things Happen in the World by Carol Shuman (Washington, DC: Magination Press, 2003).
During my early years as a pastor, I had a hard time balancing the demands of my job with the needs of my wife and family. Putting in long hours, struggling to get organized, and trying to figure out if I was up to this, I considered leaving the ministry. Eventually, the stress contributed to a divorce from my first wife.
During the difficult time when I was going through my divorce there was only one person from the church who called me daily, took me out for coffee to listen to me, and invited me to dinner. He did not lecture, did not pry, and did not try to get my wife and me back together. He was simply, steadfastly there for me. I will never forget the strength that man gave me.
It is extremely important for the caregiver to take good care of him or herself as well as the care-receivers. CareGiving can be a thankless, exhausting job and it may seem selfish to take care of oneself when the care-receivers require so much attention. To fail to do so, however, can be destructive. Jesus said, “Love God….Love Neighbor…Love Self.”
The following guidelines are for care givers who feel overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, lonely, or like a “Caged Bird
Don’t overlook the major caregiver. He or she needs some uplifting too! The most difficult time for my wife (Jean) and me was dealing with the two-and-a-half-year losing battle with cancer waged by our nineteen -year-old son, Paul. Within days of the diagnosis, his left leg was amputated two-thirds above the knee, and after metastasis he endured a series of six lung surgeries. My response was to personally appropriate the stories of Jesus’ encounters with heartbroken parents: Mark 5:23 became, “My son is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on him, so that he may be made well, and live.”
When Frank’s mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, I think each one of the family members had the same reaction at first – grief. However, over time we dealt with her illness in different ways. Frank’s sister and brother quickly moved into the denial stage and remained there until their mother’s death. Frank himself stayed in the grief phase for quite a while, but then moved on to acceptance. “Acceptance” didn’t mean, of course, that he gave up all hope – he still longed to see moments of lucidity in his mother.