Caregiving Basics
In any caregiving situation, there are four basic guidelines
to help ensure that you offer loved ones
the attention and support that they need.
Pray | Listen | Respect the Grief Journey | Preserve the Dignity
PRAY
Whether before, during or after a caregiving experience, prayer helps ensure that our caregiving reflects the heart of God. In praying before we offer care, we acknowledge our reliance on God’s strength and healing. Prayer in the midst of care directly communicates our support for our friend, reminding them of the comforting power of the Holy Spirit (remember: ask permission to pray with a friend as well as what they require prayer for). Following up your care with a commitment to continue praying offers additional encouragement and support for the one in need.
LISTEN
Good, empathetic listening is a caregiving guideline that is often taken for granted or overlooked, but it’s often the most powerful way you can help a person who is suffering. To listen well you must offer your complete, undistracted attention. You must also commit to hearing more than speaking, resisting the urge to give advice or tell your own story. When you respond, the words that you use should help the person name their own feelings and struggles.
RESPECT THE GRIEF JOURNEY
Grief is a normal and natural process by which a person makes a healthy adjustment to any significant loss in his or her life. Anticipating and accepting the emotions a grieving person experiences will let them know you are open and kind, offering room for them to process and feel what is happening for them in healthy ways. Emotions you should look for in a grieving friend include shock, denial, depression, anger, fear and bargaining. As you welcome and listen to these emotions without managing them or offering tips and advice, you help a grieving person journey towards acceptance. Remember: stay present and gracious as you engage the wounded’s grief.
PRESERVE THE DIGNITY
“Human dignity” can be defined as one’s self-worth. Our caregiving should not diminish a person’s feelings of self-worth/self-respect. Whether we care for a co-worker who is going through a divorce, a friend who has cancer, or for a spouse or parent–we need to remember that the person is first of all a child created by God. So engage their thoughts, feelings, struggles and dreams in light of that truth. When you wonder how to respond, ask yourself what you would want done to you in that same situation.
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Caring for Ourselves, The Caregivers
It is extremely important for the caregiver to take good care of him or herself as well as the care-receivers. CareGiving can be a thankless, exhausting job and it may seem selfish to take care of oneself when the care-receivers require so much attention. To fail to do so, however, can be destructive. Jesus said, “Love God….Love Neighbor…Love Self.”
The following guidelines are for care givers who feel overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, lonely, or like a “Caged Bird
Caregivers Taking Care of Caregivers
Don’t overlook the major caregiver. He or she needs some uplifting too! The most difficult time for my wife (Jean) and me was dealing with the two-and-a-half-year losing battle with cancer waged by our nineteen -year-old son, Paul. Within days of the diagnosis, his left leg was amputated two-thirds above the knee, and after metastasis he endured a series of six lung surgeries. My response was to personally appropriate the stories of Jesus’ encounters with heartbroken parents: Mark 5:23 became, “My son is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on him, so that he may be made well, and live.”
Alzheimer’s Disease
When Frank’s mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, I think each one of the family members had the same reaction at first – grief. However, over time we dealt with her illness in different ways. Frank’s sister and brother quickly moved into the denial stage and remained there until their mother’s death. Frank himself stayed in the grief phase for quite a while, but then moved on to acceptance. “Acceptance” didn’t mean, of course, that he gave up all hope – he still longed to see moments of lucidity in his mother.