Caregiving Basics
In any caregiving situation, there are four basic guidelines
to help ensure that you offer loved ones
the attention and support that they need.
Pray | Listen | Respect the Grief Journey | Preserve the Dignity
PRAY
Whether before, during or after a caregiving experience, prayer helps ensure that our caregiving reflects the heart of God. In praying before we offer care, we acknowledge our reliance on God’s strength and healing. Prayer in the midst of care directly communicates our support for our friend, reminding them of the comforting power of the Holy Spirit (remember: ask permission to pray with a friend as well as what they require prayer for). Following up your care with a commitment to continue praying offers additional encouragement and support for the one in need.
LISTEN
Good, empathetic listening is a caregiving guideline that is often taken for granted or overlooked, but it’s often the most powerful way you can help a person who is suffering. To listen well you must offer your complete, undistracted attention. You must also commit to hearing more than speaking, resisting the urge to give advice or tell your own story. When you respond, the words that you use should help the person name their own feelings and struggles.
RESPECT THE GRIEF JOURNEY
Grief is a normal and natural process by which a person makes a healthy adjustment to any significant loss in his or her life. Anticipating and accepting the emotions a grieving person experiences will let them know you are open and kind, offering room for them to process and feel what is happening for them in healthy ways. Emotions you should look for in a grieving friend include shock, denial, depression, anger, fear and bargaining. As you welcome and listen to these emotions without managing them or offering tips and advice, you help a grieving person journey towards acceptance. Remember: stay present and gracious as you engage the wounded’s grief.
PRESERVE THE DIGNITY
“Human dignity” can be defined as one’s self-worth. Our caregiving should not diminish a person’s feelings of self-worth/self-respect. Whether we care for a co-worker who is going through a divorce, a friend who has cancer, or for a spouse or parent–we need to remember that the person is first of all a child created by God. So engage their thoughts, feelings, struggles and dreams in light of that truth. When you wonder how to respond, ask yourself what you would want done to you in that same situation.
Explore Articles on Caregiving Basics
Elvis and Wing-Tip Shoes
This is Elvis Evans. I am a former student of yours from way back in the days of 1977-78.
I do not think I ever had an opportunity to thank you. You were instrumental in the successes I have enjoyed in my life. In 1977, I was a lost kid looking for someone to understand me. I wore a hearing aide, which was an anomaly back then. I was also epileptic and wore orthopedic shoes, which back then only came in one style; wing tip.
Trauma: Helping Children Cope
After any disaster, (school violence, hurricane, floods, fire, earthquakes, acts of terrorism, physical or sexual violence, and so on) children are afraid that the event will happen again, that they or someone they love will be hurt or killed, that they may be separated from those they love and be left alone. Following are ways that you can help children cope with trauma. Most of these suggestions come from the children’s book Jenny is Scared: When Sad Things Happen in the World by Carol Shuman (Washington, DC: Magination Press, 2003).
Burnout (Of Pastors, Other Leaders, and their Spouses)
During my early years as a pastor, I had a hard time balancing the demands of my job with the needs of my wife and family. Putting in long hours, struggling to get organized, and trying to figure out if I was up to this, I considered leaving the ministry. Eventually, the stress contributed to a divorce from my first wife.
During the difficult time when I was going through my divorce there was only one person from the church who called me daily, took me out for coffee to listen to me, and invited me to dinner. He did not lecture, did not pry, and did not try to get my wife and me back together. He was simply, steadfastly there for me. I will never forget the strength that man gave me.